The Desires of a Woman
by PhantomHeartless5
Summary: What started out as a simple act of asking Aqua to the prom turns into a daunting challenge when she gives him a question that makes him question everything he knows about girls in this humorous, modern-day spin on The Wife of Bath's tale. Rated T for sexual inuenndo and language.
1. Chapter 1: Aqua Throws Down the Gauntlet

**Hello fellow Fanfic writers! This is an AU VanitasXNamine story that I've been thinking about for sometime. As the description states, It's based on The Wife of Bath's tale by Chaucer. If you don't know about that story, then look it up on Google. It's a short story, but I hope it will be an enjoyable one. Please read, review, and enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**The Desires of a Woman**

All of Wayfinder High was abuzz with excitement for the upcoming prom on Friday night. It was Tuesday and everyone was preparing for the dance. All the students were busy asking each other out. But no one was more excited about prom than Vanitas Blackheart. Why was he excited, you ask? Because today was the day he'd finally ask Aqua Stormfall out. Now Vanitas was a pretty popular student. He was a player on the school's basketball team and he was an A-B Honor roll student most of the time. Sure, he could've had them all and he had plenty of girls ask him out. But his heart was set on one: Aqua Stormfall. In Vanitas' eyes, she was perfection incarnate: Brains, beauty, A high school valedictorian at that. Vanitas gave her the pet name "The Azure Amazon" because that basically what she was. She had blue hair, blue eyes, and dressed in matching blue clothing.

Vanitas had asked her out before on several occasions. But each time he was met with a "Maybe some other time." or "I'm busy right now." Each refusal only doubled Vanitas' efforts. To him, Aqua was the unattainable, and men always looked for the unattainable. He was nothing if not persistant. In fact, he made it his personal goal that he would ask her out before he graduated. And once Vanitas started on a goal, he'd finish it come hell or high water. So once school was over and he was finished packing his books, Vanitas walked over to Aqua's locker and found her still packing her books. "Hey there, Aqua." He greeted in his smooth, suave voice.

"Hey, Vanitas." Aqua replied with her usual cordiality.

"So, it's almost prom night. Got any plans?" he asked.

"I'm going to the prom." She replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Well," Vanitas began, "I know I've asked you this question thousands of times, but how'd you like to go to the prom with me? Come on. What do you say? It'll be fun. I've got a limo and everything."

Aqua remained silent for a few moments before a subtlely, and uncharacteristically, sly smile appeared on her face. "Sure." she said.

"Oh come on!" Vanitas whined, not hearing what she said. "You _always_ say- wait. You said yes. _You said yes!_" he practically shrieked with joy. "Yes! I knew I'd wear you down eventually!" He was practically dancing.

"But on one condition." Aqua interjected, the smile still on her face. That caused Vanitas to stop and look at her with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

"Answer this one question, and I'll go out with you." Aqua continued. "What does a woman most desire?"

That caused Vanitas to fall silent for a few moments. "Uh... A woman most desires... no, wait that's stupid. Uh. Wait, wait. D-D-Don't tell me, I got it. Um... Ah, can I get a hint?"

Aqua giggled in response. "I don't expect you to know the answer right away, so I'll give you until prom night to come up with an answer. But you better hurry. Terra's already asked me out and I'm feeling tempted." And with that she walked away, leaving Vanitas alone with his thoughts. _"I'm gonna need help with this one."_ he thought to himself.

* * *

It had been a few hours since Vanitas came home from school. He decided to pay his brother Sora a visit. Many have wondered how the two were even related. To say they were opposites didn't even begin to describe it. Sora was bubbly, cheerful, optimistic, and friendly. Vanitas was stoic, brooding, and a bit abrasive at times. When he got to Sora's room, he found the brunette on the bed listening to music on his I-Pad "Sora." Vanitas called out.

Sora was too busy listening to his music to hear Vanitas. He didn't even notice Vanitas enter the room. "Sora." Vanitas repeated with more annoyance. But still there was no answer as Sora was enjoying whatever song he was listening to. At the edge of his patience, Vanitas yanked the earplug out of Sora's ear and shouted, "SORA!" Sora fell out of his bed in panic. "Oh hey Vanitas." he said with his usual dopey smile. "When'd you get in?"

"Jesus Christ, how the fuck are we related I'll never know." Vanitas muttered under his breath. "Okay squirt. I need your help with something."

"You need _my_ help with something?" Sora asked incredulously. "This _must_ be serious."

"Don't let it go to your head, idiot." Vanitas snapped. "Just answer this one simple question: What does a woman most desire?"

The question caused Sora to simply stare at his twin with raised eyebrows. "Why do you wanna know? Is this about Aqua?"

"That's on a need to know basis, and you _don't_ need to know. Now answer the question."

"Well... I guess it depends on the type of girl. Different girls want different things." Sora replied after some careful thought.

"Come on. You've been dating Kairi for months now. I figured you'd know something about what a girl wants." Vanitas snapped with annoyance.

"We're still getting to know each other, okay? We don't know everything about each other." Sora said. "Sorry."

"Just forget it." Vanitas snapped as he walked out the room. "This is going to be mind-wrenching." he muttered.

* * *

**Well that's the first chapter. Next one will be up soon. Stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2: Asking Around

**Okay. Even though NOBODY left a review, I still decided to upload the next chapter cause I love you guys. I hope you enjoy it. Please read, review, and enjoy.**

It was Wednesday morning and Vanitas was at home. The bus wouldn't arrive for another three hours. Vanitas figured that was plenty of time to have a chat with his parents. He first decided to talk to his dad, Lorenzo. Heading into the garage, he found Lorenzo doing his morning workout took much pride in his physical appearance. His motto was "Ladies don't dig skinny guys." Despite his rugged appearance, he was basically a teddy bear. He loved his family dearly, particularly his wife, Elena. Vanitas figured he'd be the perfect guy to go for women advice. "Yo, dad." Vanitas said as he approached him.

Lorenzo stopped his excerise routine at the sound of Vanitas' voice. "Oh hey son. What's happening?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Lorezno replied. They had never got to talk as much as when Vanitas was younger, so this was a nice change.

"What does a woman most desire?"

"Whoa. That's a deep question. What brought this up?"

"Short version: I asked a girl out to the prom, but she'll only go if I answer this question." Vanitas said.

"Well... that usually depends on the type of girl." Lorenzo said for lack of a better answer.

"That's exactly what Sora said." Vanitas replied with slight annoyance.

"Well it's true." his father said. "Some women want simple things like a house, or a good husband. Others have more ambitious goals like fame and fortune. So basically you just have to get to know them a bit."

"Ah, forget it. Thanks anyway." Vanitas said as he got up to leave.

"Sure thing, son. And don't give up. I'm sure you'll find the answer you want in time." Lorenzo called out.

"_Time_." Vanitas thought. "_Something that I _don't_ have_."

* * *

After failing to get answers out of his dad. Vanitas decided that he was going about this the wrong way. Perhaps this particular endeavor required a woman's touch, so to speak. With that in mind he decided to talk to this mother, Elena. Elena worked as a psychologist at a clinic. She was a beautiful woman with golden blonde hair and a nice figure. Vanitas figured that her being a woman and her job of delving into the minds of others made her an even more perfect choice for women advice.

Walking into the ktichen where Elena was eating breakfast, Vanitas sat down across from her. "Hey mom."

"Hey hon." Elena replied warmly.

"Yo, mom." Vanitas began. "Can I ask you an odd question?"

"Fire away." She replied.

"What does a woman most desire?"

The question caused Elena to pause a bit. "What brought all this on?"

"I asked a girl out to the prom, and she'll only go if I answer this question." Vanitas replied.

Elena paused to think on the question before finally replying, "Well, in my experience, it usually depends on the type of girl. For example, the girl you asked out. What's she like?"

"She's nice, kind, a bit of a braniac, and a bit of a prude." Vanitas replied crudely.

Elena frowned a bit at the last part, but said nothing. She cringed around sexist language. "Well, I think that she's the type of person who just wants to have a happy life with a family. Of course, this is just my opinion."

Vanitas took a few moments to ponder those words. Compared to the last two answers he got, this was at least slightly better. "Well thanks mom."

"Sure thing hon." she replied with a smile.

* * *

It was lunchtime at school, during which the students were allowed to walk around the main hall. Vanitas figured this was the perfect opportunity to ask some of the students here. The first two people to interview were Kairi and Xion. Kairi and Xion were sisters. They looked nearly alike, but Xion had short black hair while Kairi had long red hair. Kairi was dating Sora while Xion was dating Roxas. Together, one could say they made quite the cute couples. He thought that maybe they can provide the answer he needed. Walking over to their usual table, Vanitas sat down near them. "Hey girls."

"Hey, Vanitas." Kairi and Xion replied in unison.

"Okay, I have a question that I think you girls can help me answer: What does a woman most desire?"

Kairi and Xion then looked at each other, confusion easily read on their faces. After a moments pause, Kairi said, "Well I can't really speak for other girls, but I would like to be a famous dancer."

"As for me," Xion began, "I just want to have a good life with a loving husband and family."

"That's it? Nothing big?"Vanitas asked.

"Not really. Sorry if they weren't the answers you were looking for." Kairi replied.

"That's okay." Vanitas said as he got up to leave, hiding his annoyance. Well that turned out to be a lot of nothing, but this did not deter Vanitas. Instead, he decided to find someone else to interview. His next targets were the twins Roxas and Ventus (Ven for short). They were some of Sora's many friends. They both had blond hair that pointed upwards as well as brilliant blue eyes. If it were not for the clothing they wear, it would be impossible to tell them apart. He figured they could at least give him something useful. He spotted the twins at their usual table. "Hey there." He said.

"Hey Vanitas." They both replied.

"Okay, I need your help with something." Vanitas said.

"You need _our_ help with something? It must be serious." Roxas remarked.

"We'll help if we can." Ventus replied after.

"Okay, What does a woman most desire?"

Silence fell as the twins looked at Vanitas with puzzled experessions. "Um... I guess it depends on the type of girl." Ventus replied for lack of a better answer.

"That's the same answer I keep getting." Vanitas said, obviously annoyed.

"Well, it's true." Roxas interjected. "Besides, we're not girls. So you can't expect us to know off the top of our heads."

"Oh just forget it." Vanitas said as he stormed off.

"What crawled up his ass and died?" Roxas asked Ventus. Ventus merely shrugged in response.

* * *

**Okay. That's the second chapter. Next one will be up soon.**


	3. Chapter 3 Truths are Revealed

**Okay. Here's the third chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Please read review and enjoy.**

After spending all day yesterday asking the student body and yielding no answers, Vanitas decided to get answers from the teachers and staff. His first stop was to the guidance counselor, Xehanort. He was a bald, 71-year-old man with a dark skin tone, pointed ears, and a small gray goatee. He had been working at the school for a good long time. Some of the students, Vanitas included, found him a bit creepy due to his hauntingly golden eyes. Vanitas sometimes made a joke about how Xehanort was living proof that dinosaurs roamed the earth due to how old he was. Vanitas knocked on the door. "Come in." Xehanort's voice replied.

Vanitas entered the room and sat down on the couch. "Hey, Mr. Xehanort."

"Hello there, Vanitas." Xehanort greeted. "You seem troubled."

"I'm _that_ transparent?" Vanitas snorted.

"The key to being a good guidance counselor is knowing how to read people." Xehanort said.

"Okay. What does a woman most desire?"

"Ah, women. Life's most mysterious creatures." Xehanort said.

"You're preaching to the choir there." Vanitas mumbled.

"Well, my boy, I'm afraid I cannot help you there." Xehanort said. "I've never been the dating kind."

"Oh, come on." Vanitas snapped. "Surely you had a girlfriend when you were young."

"Oh yes." Xehanort replied. "I wasn't always old and elderly. I was much like yourself. I was young, tan, handsome. Women fell at my feet. But I merely stepped over them. Dating wasn't really a thing for me. Sorry if that wasn't the answer you wanted."

"That's okay." Vanitas sighed as he walked out.

* * *

The next stop on Vanitas list was the English teacher, Mr. Eraqus. Mr. Eraqus was a tall, light skinned man with jagged scars over his right eye and left cheek from an accident. His hair was black and tied into a short, high topknot, with one bang falling off to the right side of his face. He also had a short, triangluar soul patch and a mustache. Mr. Eraqus was particularly fond of teaching Japanese folklore and poetry. To that end, he wore traditonally Japanese clothing. He wore a white, red lined haori that has a hood, along with slightly shorter than normal, light-colored hakama. Underneath his haori, he wore a navy blue shirt with a large white X pattern on the front. He also wore pieces of armor such as gold and black armored boots and a dull blue-green section that covered his abdomen. Though he looked stoic and serious, he was a kind teacher who cared greatly about his students.

Upon arriving at Mr. Eraqus's room, Vanitas entered to find Mr. Eraqus reading a poetry book. "Hey, Mr. Eraqus." he said.

"Hello Vanitas." Mr. Eraqus replied. "What can I do for you?"

"Can I ask you one very odd question? What does a woman most desire?"

Eraqus paused a bit at the sudden question. "Ah, a difficult question to answer. For how can we claim to know what a woman desires? I don't really have an answer for you. But I do have a poetry book about women." Eraqus then handed Vanitas a blue book. "Perhaps in here you will find the answers you seek. But remember to bring it back."

Vanitas took the book and said, "Thanks, I will." as he walked out.

* * *

After perusing the book and its poems on women. Vanitas found it to be relatively useless. That's when he saw Xigbar, the school janitor. Vanitas knew full well that asking Xigbar about women was the dumbest idea. While most considered Xigbar cool, some of the female students considered him a bit of a pervert. But Vanitas was desperate for any answers. Vanitas walked up and tapped Xigbar on the back. Xigbar turned to see Vanitas behind him. "Sup, tiny brooder?"

"Hey Xig." Vanitas said. "I've got a question that I think you can answer. What does a woman most desire?"

"You've come to the right place Van." Xighar said with a laugh. "I happen to be an expert on this topic. In my experience, most women I talked to just wanna get laid. They have different ways of doing that though."

And that statement caused Vanitas to facepalm himself. "Seriously?"

"Duh. And anyone who's telling you otherwise is fooling themselves."

"That's it?" Vanitas asked.

"That's my advice. Any other questions?"

"No." Vanitas replied as he walked away. "Freak." he muttered to himself.

* * *

Vanitas sat by the fountain at the school as he perused his notebook. He had written down all of the answers he recieved and he knew that none of them would be satisfactory for Aqua. That caused him to rip up the notebook in anger and if he wasn't so vain, he'd tear his hair out as well. "There has to be someone in this fucked up loony asylum of a school that knows what a woman most desires!" he shouted to no one in particular.

"I can help you." Came a girl's voice from behind. Vanitas turned around to see a blond-haired, blue-eyed girl behind him. It was Namine. She was a quiet girl and a senior like Vanitas. Her favorite class was art class as it allowed her to draw. Her drawings and sketches were highly praised by students and teachers alike.

"Thanks, uh..." Vanitas paused as he tried to remember the girl's name. They had been in the same class a few times, but Vanitas never really noticed her.

"Namine." she replied. "I'd think you'd remember my name by now since we've been in this school for the past three and a half years."

"Sorry. So, you can help me?" Vanitas asked.

"Yes. But on one condition." she replied.

"There's always a catch." Vanitas groaned. "But my virginity is at stake here, so what do you want?"

"Hmmm... I haven't decided yet. I'll tell you what you want to know, and when I remember, I'll tell you what I want. Deal?"

"Deal." Vanitas said. Namine then motion for Vanitas to come closer so she can whisper it in his ear. Once she did. Vanitas shook her hand and said, "Thanks, I owe you one." before leaving.

"Oh, you most certainly do." Namine said to herself.

* * *

Vanitas made it to Aqua's locker and found the blunette packing her things. He walked over to her with an arrogant and triumphant smile on his face. "So, you found the answer?" Aqua asked.

"Yes." Vanitas said. "Women like to be treated as equals and with respect. Women don't like to be treated as sex objects or trophies."

"Not bad." Aqua replied. "But I know you couldn't have figured it out on you own. So who helped you?"

"I did." Namine's voice appeared from behind them. "And I believe we had a deal."

"Okay... so what do you want?" Vanitas asked.

"Take me to the prom." Namine said.

"Oh sure, that's- wait, what?! That wasn't part of the deal!" Vanitas shouted.

"But didn't you say that women don't like being treated as objects, right? You wouldn't be going back on your word, would you?" Aqua teasingly asked.

"But I asked _you_ out!" Vanitas whined to Aqua a bit.

"Okay, I gotta confess. Terra asked me out way before you did. And I said yes." Aqua replied.

Vanitas paused for a bit before his face lit up with sudden realization. "Wait a minute. You two _planned_ this! This was all a setup!"

"Wow. Brains and brawn. He's the whole package." Aqua said.

Vanitas couldn't say anything. His mouth just hung open as he stood in shocked silence.

"Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds to get acquainted." Aqua said as she left. A few minutes after Aqua left, Namine walked towards Vanitas and placed a hand on his shoulder. "See you tomorrow night." She said as she left. When they were both gone, Vanitas began bashing his head against his locker, cursing all of existence. He was going to need aspirin after this.

* * *

**Poor Vanitas got played! Final chapter will be up soon. Stay tuned.**


	4. Chapter 4: The Big Night

**Here's the last chapter. I hope everyone enjoys it. Please read, review, and enjoy.**

Tonight was the big night. It was Friday night, the night of the prom. Everyone was at Sora's house getting ready to go. Everyone in the house was abuzz with joy. Well, _almost_ everyone. In the corner of the room sat Vanitas, decked out in his new black tuxedo. He also sported a bruise from repeatedly banging his head on the locker. He was still brooding about how he was, in his view, cheated out of his date with Aqua. He was just about to fall asleep until he heard a voice, "Still a bit pissed?" Vanitas turned his head to find Aqua in her blue dress standing over him. "Gee, ya think?"He replied, slightly bitter.

"Oh, come on. It wasn't _that_ bad." Aqua said.

"Aqua," Vanitas began, "I've played many a prank in my time, but messing with a man's emotions, _that_... was diabolical."

"Well it was the only way for Namine to get your attention." Aqua retorted. "She's had a crush on you since middle school and you've never given her the time of day."

"Because I want to date _you_." Vanitas replied, stressing the word you.

"Ugh, you men are _so_ typical." Aqua said as she rolled her eyes. "You always look for something popular, always looking for the unattainable, but you never pay attention to the ordinary."

"Care to elaborate?" Vanitas asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Namine isn't popular, but there's more to her than that." Aqua began. "She's nice, kind, sweet, and very artistic. You could have her draw pictures of you. You're only looking at a girl from the outside when you should look at her heart and see the type of person she is. I mean, who knows, you might actually start to like her. Look, go out with her okay? At least for me?" She asked with her best puppy-dog eyes, an act that tugged on Vanitas's two weaknesses: Puppy-dog eyes, and his inability to say no to a pretty girl. Giving a defeated sigh, Vanitas lowered his head. "Alright, but only for you."

"Thanks." Aqua said as she placed a hand on his shoulder. Just then, the doorbell rang. "Oh, that's Namine now. Well, have fun Romeo." She said as she left.

"_Oh this'll be fun_." Vanitas thought as he got up and opened the door. "She's probably gonna dress in the most plain... outfit... ever." He trailed off as he stared at the sight in front of him. It was Namine dressed in a long, sparkly, pure white gown with matching white gloves that extended above the elbow. She herself had makeup and eyeliner on as well as vanilla-colored lipstick on. In summation, she looked as though she stepped out of the Cinderella fairy tale. "Hey Vanitas." She spoke.

"Wow..." Vanitas replied.

"Do you like the dress? My mom made it for me. She owns a clothing store."

"Wow..." Vanitas said.

"Well, let's go. The limo's outside." Namine said as she left, leaving a thouroughly stunned Vanitas.

"Well, well, well." Sora said as he strolled up behind his brother and elbowed him in the shoulder. "I thought you had only eyes for Aqua."

"Who?" Vanitas said.

"Well either way. You better hurry Prince Charming." Sora teased. "You cinderella's getting away."

"Huh? she's what? wait up!" Vanitas said as he ran after her.

Aqua and Terra meanwhile were standing at a distance, watching the whole thing transpier. "Direct hit, Cupid." Terra teasingly said to Aqua as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"What can I say? I never miss." She replied as she kissed him on the cheek.

* * *

The prom was quite extravagant to say the least. The gym was beautifully decorated with ribbons and streamers and a large disco ball. Dancing with Namine was nothing short of beautiful. Vanitas had no idea Namine was such a fine dancer. And while taking pictures with Namine was fun, the highlight of the dance was when she, Aqua and some of the other girls sang Fly In The Freedom by Tabitha Fair. Namine was the lead singer, and her voice was beautiful. Vanitas couldn't help but be transfixed by her golden voice. The gym was filled with people, but to him it was just him and Namine. The prom went on for three hours, and like all good things, it eventually came to an end. Everyone cleaned up the gym then went home.

The limo parked outside of Namine's house. Vanitas was walking her home. "I had a great time tonight." Namine said.

"Yeah, me too." Vanitas replied. "It's funny. Years ago, I imagined myself dating Aqua. But after tonight. I don't think you're that bad."

"Thanks." Namine said with a slight blush.

"Now if only you were into sex. That would be great."

"Sorry to dissapoint, you pervert." Namine giggled as she playfully punched Vanitas in the arm. "But I'd rather wait until I'm married. Religious stuff."

"Well," Vanitas began, "Until that happens. I'll just have to settle for this." Vanitas then gently grabbed Namine by the chin and pressed their lips together in a passionate kiss. Namine moaned into the kiss as she returned it. But the romantic moment was cut short by the sound of the limo driver honking his horn, urging Vanitas to come on. "Mood killer, much?" Vanitas snapped. "Well, see ya round, Nami."

"You too, Vani." She said as she walked into the house.

**The End**

* * *

**Well, that ends my tale. I do hope you've enjoyed reading it as I've enjoyed writing it. Till next we meet!**


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